I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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