I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
