Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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