I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
