My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
