I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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