He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
