drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
