I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
