I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
