I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
