I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
