Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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