The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
