Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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