Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
