I think i peed on brittanys purse
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
