my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
