There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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