how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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