it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
