p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
