I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
