I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
