hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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