So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
