Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
