last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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