Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
