This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
