So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
