apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
