i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
