Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
