We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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