do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
