i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
