our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
