He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
