What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
