Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who died my cat blue again?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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