my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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