i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
