I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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