i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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