yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
