A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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