it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
