Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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