Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
